So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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