omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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