i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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