and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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