My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are we still banned from the library?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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