Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
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I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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