and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Randomize