Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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