last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize