"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I love you. Go after that dick
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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