Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize