i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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