I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
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im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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