There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize