I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
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I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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