I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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