Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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