I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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