he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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