My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize