I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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