This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
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There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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