May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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