I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
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I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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