mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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