She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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