Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want to be your penis for a week.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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