Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
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so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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