You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize