I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
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If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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