I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize