she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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