Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize