so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Randomize