Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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