I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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