Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize