Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
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I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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