i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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