I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize