just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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