Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
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You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
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Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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