Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize