Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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