Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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