Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize