Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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