dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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