addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize