Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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